Sometimes I don’t see a future for myself. When I was younger, I was so sure that I was going to be happy at this age. I was so sure that I would be doing so much better. In some ways, I was right. I’m on better terms with my parents and brother despite all that happened. I’ve graduated from high school when that seemed so impossible to do, and now I’m in college. I’m studying fashion design, which is my dream job. But if things don’t work out, I want to be a youth social worker. . .
Before I turned 18, I was meeting with a youth social worker and psychiatrist since I was about 15 years old. At first, I hated both of them, and I cried constantly during our sessions. I had such severe anxiety, I couldn’t manage a normal conversation with either of them. Time had passed by, and I soon grew more comfortable with the social worker. His name is Caleb. In his office, there was a small table with blank paper, markers and pencil crayons. Every time I saw him, I would draw something. He was always so impressed by them, and he kept the in his office. I wonder if he still has them in his new office. When I grew closer with him, I always made him laugh and smile. One day when I met with both him and my psychiatrist, Caleb told her how funny I was. I didn’t like my psychiatrist, so I won’t say her name here. She wasn’t exactly a terrible person or anything like that, I just didn’t like her. I didn’t like the psychiatrist I had before her, either. I don’t think I even like the psychiatrist I have now.
I had painted something for Caleb, and he kept that in his office as well. He always told me how his other patients saw my drawings and complimented them. He said one girl even wanted to keep one of them. I had also brought some of my stickers for him to hand out to his other patients. Everyone accepted them asides from one person, which was fine with me.
I told Caleb that I wanted a job, this was when I was about 16 years old. I had been looking for a job since I was 15, but I had no luck, and no experience. Caleb offered to follow me to an employment center, so I agreed. We met up and sat in the room at the computers for a while. I spent most of my time there looking at pictures of hamsters. In the end, the employment center didn’t help me find a job, but I have one now anyway, so it doesn’t matter. The whole point is that I want to say how kind Caleb was to me.
This may sound heartless, but I don’t miss people. Or at least I don’t know if I’m missing someone or not. I feel like I should miss Caleb, but I definitely miss those appointments. I always had so much fun drawing in his office and telling him all the things that had happened since the last time we met. I will never forget Caleb. I feel like I grew stronger with each appointment with him.
Caleb had first recommended me a high school that didn’t work out for me, but the second one was perfect. I loved my few years in that high school. I loved all of the teachers and I always brought home amazing marks to make my parents proud. It’s all because of Caleb.
When I turned 19, I couldn’t see Caleb anymore because I wasn’t a kid. Sometimes I still email him, but it’s been a long time since I’ve done that. I feel bad, but I also want to message him when I have only good news.
Being a fashion designer is my dream. It always has been. But I want to be like Caleb, too. I want to reach a hand out to the youth that truly need it. I don’t see my future anymore, so I’ll just hope that everything falls into place.
Thank you, Caleb.
uulhada 